Can you hear that?

Typewriter

16:41 - “To those who leave their homes in the cause of Allah, after suffering oppression, We will assuredly give a goodly home in this world: but truly the reward of the Hereafter will be greater. If they only knew!”

Monday, February 9, 2009

screening is anal / 10:46 PM

It's amazing how tears fall and dry up so fast. It's amazing how much a hug can mean to someone. It's also amazing how months of hardwork didn't even see daylight. The afternoon nap just now made me forget about it for awhile but seriously, I'm freaking depressed. All that work and it wasn't even screened. It bugs me that there wasn't a sympathetic apology either. I was so depressed I didn't eat until I reached home.

Have you ever felt so excited for something that you smile a little wider as the time comes closer? You take a little bit more time to look better, make sure you didn't forget anything and you keep on messaging your friend(s) about it. Now let me ask you guys another question, have you ever felt that excitement or happiness being sucked out so fast it barely leaves you time to breath and all that's left is just a black hole? That was exactly what happened in that crowded lecture theatre seemingly full of satisfied people, except for three groups.

I feel like the whole project was pointless. And don't even talk to me about grades because it won't matter if our film receives an A when only about three people watched it. It's like baking a cake for the rubbish bin, it'll just rot anyway. I couldn't cry because I know it won't help but I wanted to so badly. It hurts a lot to see one of your close friends cry too. I found myself so devoid of the ability to console her because I can't lie. I just can't. I can't tell her that it's okay because it's not. I can't tell her that we can probably have another screening because I doubt there will be any for 3 films. I can't tell her that everyone will come down because I doubt people care. I doubt people would come to school just to watch 3 films. Admit it people, you wouldn't unless it's your own or your classmate's.

I'm so dejected now. I wanted so much to swear at that lecturer in black who kept making stupid comments. Seriously, stop trying to be the 'Simon' because it's irritating. And it doesn't help that you kept asking stupid questions that wasted the screening time. However, the presentation part was all the lecturer's fault. It didn't make sense because when the groups went up to present about their films, they basically repeated what the film was showing. We're not blind and you wasted time that costs the hardwork of three production teams. 1 team = 4 people = 7+ minutes film = a month or more of hardwork. Seriously, I am really disappointed that nothing was done for the three production teams. There were no credits, no information on what the hell the three films were about, nothing. Just "we are out of time and we can't show the other three films because there will be an exam going on in this lecture theatre at 2 blahblahblah..."

I really don't know what to say. I'm so disappointed and depressed. This just has to happen a day before I have to start studying for my major exams. This just has to happen. I'm not happy and don't try to cheer me up, only the two other production teams and my own can understand how I feel. Denjamin died before he even lived. We may be anal, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve to be credited for our hardwork.

For now, I am Muhammad Abidin and I am not happy with the world.