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16:41 - “To those who leave their homes in the cause of Allah, after suffering oppression, We will assuredly give a goodly home in this world: but truly the reward of the Hereafter will be greater. If they only knew!”
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Dreams of Tears / 1:47 PM

These past few nights, I've been dreaming. Even though I call them dreams, I always end up sad. For the most of them. In these dreams, I would cry and when I wake up I'd find myself thinking. Then I remembered one night where I was thinking of my position in my family before I go to sleep. Maybe the sadness just fused with my dreams and presto sad dreams galore.

**"depan orang... "

It makes sense now that I think of it because most of the dreams are related to what I've been thinking about.

"depan orang... "

What happens when people are around whether during raya or when people visit.

"depan orang... "

How 'extravagant' my family describes me as.

"depan orang... "

"depan orang... "

"depan orang... "

And it makes me sick to my stomach that I don't ever say anything about it. I'd just torment myself with imaginations and mental contradictions. Oh well, contradictions give birth to activities in the economy which in turn produce waste. And waste is the source and product of it all. I'm not really sure what that means in relation to contradiction but maybe I will someday and I'd be somewhat useful to the economy.

I'm not sure but I think they do the same when people are not around only that it gets more worse when people are around. And they wonder why I don't talk to my cousins that much. pfft.

**In english it means, "In front of people... ". In this entry it refers to the facade or the way I am treated by my family when other people are around.
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