daydreams and escapes / 11:04 PM

This is sick. I am actually having daydreams about smoking. About holding the cigarette in between my fingers and lighting it up as I put it to my mouth. Then watching the smoke float into the sky, as if unsure where it is going. Left, right. Here, there. Feeling that sudden rush of adrenaline with every puff. Then, when I'm done, I'd walk funny because everything seems like yellow daisies, gumdrops and rainbows. Urgghh.. my mind keeps escaping to that memory whenever its not occupied. And Haruki Murakami's book really isn't helping. The book is practically telling me to smoke. Every word is spelled differently but reads the same; just smoke, death will catch up to you anyway. Every guy in the book seems to smoke (except for the chauffeur). Quiting really isn't sailing in calm waters folks. Especially when so many temptations are around and the value of money becomes relative. You have money, you buy cigarettes. You don't have money, you save up or you get a stick from your friends. Oh well, just have to try harder I guess. However, I somehow predict this wouldn't be the last of my smoking habit.